I came to the end of myself just now. Here I am again at the crossroad of life, with nothing much going on for me. For crying out loud, I do not even have any concrete goal for my future. This suck okie?
I went for my medical appointment earlier in the day. I brought two books along with me to beat the q waiting time, ("Confession of a shopaholic" and "I believe in miracles"). Apparently, "Confession of a shopaholic" is the same title for "The sercret dreamworld of a shopaholic" which I read earlier. Basket! So I am forced literally to read the Kathryn Khulman book. Wahaha. Anyway, the doctor diagnose me of "psyrosis" (something that sound like it lah). According to him, its a long term chronic skin condition. Suck it! So, I have to rub some STUPID ointment which wouldnt heal my skin condition on my elbow! SCREAAAAAAAAAAM! It is a cosmetic nuisance, if what it is, is what it is!!! That "specialist" center is a sham! It doesnt treat any illness. I am forced to see help from the Great Dermatologist Who hail from Le Haeven then.
As I journeyed back to camp, I was suddenly plummeted with worries. Gross I tell you. Just so you know, I had a history of depression attacks before, but was since delivered by my Father. I went into the cycle, of not wanting to go for HM camp. But as I reasoned with myself, God just reminded me to really really let go and come to the end of myself. I was reduced to tears when I know that I shall gladly boast in my weakness so that his strength will be made perfect in my life. I shall not go by human resoning. I shall not look at my circumstances cause it wouldnt do justice at what my Lover has done on the cross. I know there will be times, that I will be the doubting Thomas, but I am still learning, teach me Lord. You dont see me doubting just as You called Abraham a man full of faith. And as a matter of fact, now that I am conscience of my needs, I can fully expect that You will meet them for me. I am empty, I have nothing to offer. Fill me Lord, Fill me Lord!
Paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa@@@@@@@@@@ I come to you boldly to the throne of righteousness that You embrace me. The camp HM is instituted ESP for me. You are preparing a GREAAAAAT Feast for me there. That now, I am so empty, You have everything to fill me. The promises that You made, help me seal them in my heart. Your love shall be the permanent resident in my heart. Give me Your stubborn faith that in the light of all my circumstances, You shine through. Let there be many many breakthrough. A year of 100 times more breakthrough and let this be the year where I shall be 1000 times more stronger on the inside. I have come to the end of myself, Pa, now it's Your turn to work. Let me see the beauty of the cross. Hear my cry and hear my whimper.
In Jesus name I pray. AMEN@